Bits For Rent

I absolutely LOVE Prime 3. To think that after the hardcore sucking of Prime 2 I would be treated to a complete masterstroke of work by Retro, who has absolutely nailed the perfect balance of backtracking, exploration, and objective missions here, within a week of Bioshock — the best FPS since Half-Life 2 — would have positively caused my mind to explode with neuron orgasms. I am literally in awe over the beauty that the Wii has achieved in bringing me at 60fps, and stunned to think I am using six year old tech to play something this intuitive in terms of control schemes. In all honesty, after about five and a half hours with the game, I don’t think that any of the other major Nintendo titles for the Wii already released or coming this year have a chance to top Prime for GOTY. Super Mario Galaxy seems utterly childish in comparison, Zelda was an over-fluffed epic with an anorexic story, and Brawl is a top-notch fighter but can never be as rich or as deep as something like Metroid. Seriously, I am one of the most nagging, hesitant and clear-minded person when in comes to deciding where and when to toss my hat in on something such as this, so believe me when I say I am amazed by what this game has accomplished. My friend was not joking when he told me to either play Metroid or throw my Wii away. It’s that good. Believe.

Also, I would like to apologize for the overflow of adverbs. These things happen.

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Now playing: Edgar Winter Group – Free Ride
via FoxyTunes

Here are the last two comments I posted in the BioShock thread on AL. They sum up my complaints and praises nicely. Succinctly, one might even say.

Anyways…. I’m in the Fort now. Totally wanted to soil myself shortly after I got there, but I’m keeping myself together. I find the resurrection system to be too forgiving yet the combat to be rather demanding. It’s so easy to just say “screw it, I’ll die a few times, but this Big Daddy is so going to die in the end.” Prey suffered from this same design flaw. If the game just gave you something to work with, such as decent cover or fodder enemies that somehow weren’t impervious to normal headshots, it would seem like less of a cop out. But if that’s all I have to gripe about… who cares?

After beating it with the evil ending (although I was pretty 50/50 on Harvests/Rescues) I have to say I really liked the last stretch, after you wake up again. The entire game was gorgeous from start to finish, but at times there were parts that were unnecessarily too much like fetch quests, forcing backtracking in a game world where I was already pilfering the crap out of every body, desk, and ashtray I ran across. There’s also a fine balance that begins to form between plasmids and weapon use. After spending 75% of the game playing this primarily as a shooter, with plasmids primarily acting as a means to stun enemies, it definitely became more fun (and caused a lot less dying) to distract and pester the enemies with flies and decoys than to freeze them and whack at things with my trusty wrench. Although admittedly, that was pretty damn entertaining, too.

So, overall, I really liked BioShock. Love might be too strong of a term to throw around, but the game has succeeded in making me want to do what few others rarely accomplish: play through it again. When I get the chance, that is. There’s a few obstacles (Metroid Prime, Warhawk) getting in the way of that at the moment.

Just played through the first three hours, and I am in love. Killing Big Daddies is like the most simultaneously nerve-wracking-yet-kick-ass thing I’ve done since… well, God of War II’s boss fights. The fact that there are so many of the big guys is what’s really exciting, though, because it’s like every new area you enter, while you’re meant to be focusing on a certain task, you see a little sister running around and just have to go and take her Adam, Big Daddy be damned.

I also love the Big D/Little Sis interactions. Hearing this mentally perturbed little girl talking about Angels and calling for Mr. Bubbles to come along is the coolest damn thing. The horror elements, which remind me a bit of Doom 3, are totally worthy of Pants-Soiler of the Year, especially since the voice acting of the splicers is so damn eerie. The woman with the cradle near the beginning, as well as the “welcome” you get upon entering Rapture, were total cover-your-eyes-and-weep-like-the-bitch-you-are moments. It was definitely tricky getting used to the plasmid/weapon switching system the game uses, and it’s still hitching up a bit for me — I’ll switch to a gun I loaded and it will go through a loading animation again — but mastery of it is definitely going to bring in some sweet rewards.

Anyway, I’m really happy with the game so far, and plan on playing the crap out of it this week so as to get it out of the way for Metroid Prime 3, but I think it’s safe to say anyone not afraid of a little horror that has a 360 or decent PC needs to play this, no bones about it. Also, screw EB for not having enough of the Limited Editions (did they even make one for PC?), or even enough copies of the game per store. That was a raw deal.

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Now playing: Cold War Kids – Tell Me In The Morning
via FoxyTunes

So it’s about two hours until E3 kicks off with Microsoft’s E3 press conference, and the deluge of media and message board hype has already neared the brink of Critical Mass. GAF has disabled search and shut its off topic forum for the remainder of the week, and dozens of its members have been posting relentlessly about the much-anticipated reveal of Killzone 2 following the Microsoft event. So far, USA Today has unveiled an old pre-alpha screen and already the web has nearly fallen to its knees from the bandwidth consumption. When news finally starts to break around 1AM (not sure if that’s EST or PST, so it’s gonna be a long night), I expect the world to either stop spinning or the moon to explode, causing a massive flood across the whole of the planet. I’ll also settle for HD videos.

Other than that, I’m most excited for the games I already know about. Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune, Ratchet and Clank Future, BioShock, Mass Effect (don’t have an Xbox, I know, but the game is undeniably attractive), Mario Galaxy, Smash Bros. Brawl, and of course MGS4. And those are just the ones I can rattle off in a few keystrokes. Long story short, 2007′s holiday season looks to be an absolute monsoon of high-quality games, and I am not so broke that I can’t just smile and look upon GTA IV and Assassin’s Creed (did you read the article? oh my god!) and smile a big, stupid grin; it makes what’s left of the kid in me want to kick my jaded ass around the block and go bike down to GameStop to place some pre-orders. I’m going to miss these things.

But most importantly, I will be focusing an extensive amount of energy on scooping up every possible morsel of news that comes out of this week-long event, like a whale pruning the sea for krill. In the next three or four days I will try to write extensively about all that happens and my personal, immediate impressions on the matter. Beginning tonight, it looks like little sleep, aching wrists, and a hopefully a computer and PS3 full of downloaded trailers will be the sum of my existence for some 72 hours. I can’t fucking wait. ;p

Despair seems to be lingering over me like a little black rain cloud. After the tragedy I suffered in May, today I was forced to put my best friend down, a 13-year-old golden retriever. There’s not much more I will say about that other than it has been one of the most difficult days in my life, and that I will miss him dearly.

Perhaps equally depressing, I’ve been boiling away most of my evenings playing LOTRO (that’s Lord of the Rings Online for those who aren’t in the know). Having not played any MMOs of any sort save for a brief trial-period stint on the original Lineage, the world is shockingly familiar. Essentially, the game plays out like the epic Elder Scrolls titles, only with the added advantage (or disadvantage) of being inhabited by thousands of other dwarves, hobbits, and elves. Indeed, our colorful variety are rather antlike in our manner, marching to and fro, quests in hand, chopping at bears and spiders that may net us m4d l00t or some equally valuable equivalent. It’s a tenuous process that nevertheless feels sufficiently rewarding as each level is gained and new abilities are unlocked. At times, the sheer scale of the world and number of quests facing you can be incredibly daunting, but with continued effort and determination–like a mountaineer scaling Everest–the XP rolls in and you gradually feel more and more like the Saviour of Middle-earth you set out to become.

What I think to be the key to this game’s many hooks is the Deed system. By performing a range of different tasks, such as visiting all the ruins in one area or killing X number of Goblins, players can unlock additional Trait points (little stat modifiers that make you heal faster, less vulnerable to certain attacks, etc.) or, better yet, titles. These little sayings are attached to your name in the game, so for instance I can be Aragorn, Bane of the Barrows, or Gimli, Defender of Ered Luin, or just Sam Adams, Shire Brewmaster. So not only are you completing quests for the sake of building your character, you’re getting new names and buffs the more you branch out and explore the world, too. And if the content releases remain steady–Turbine just released a pack that added and entire new area to the game, which is essentially like a 15% content increase–then I can see my dwarf remaining a protector of the Shire, growing fierce with age, for quite some time. Just no Role-playing in my presence, Tolkein-sluts. I will shove my lute down your throat if I so much as see you typing elvish in my Fellowship.

And as an aside, I’ve started working my way through Planet Earth. Two words: Holy Fuckingshit. This is undoubtedly one of the coolest, most amazing documentaries I’ve ever seen. If you haven’t seen the show, go buy it. DVD, HD-DVD, Blu-ray, I don’t care. This is mandatory viewing.

I wrote the following in response to a post saying that Dan Hsu of EGM should be called a hypocrite for advocating quality writing about games but meanwhile his magazine is full of boob jokes. I thought I was pretty well-spoken in my reply, and that it deserved repeating.

I think that this thread really missed the mark when it comes down to dealing with the state of videogame journalism. Forget the fact that EGM had some fun with DOA because the game was designed to be a one-handed wank-stimulator. What really should be under fire is the actual quality of the writing in EGM overall. All one needs to do is look at the vocabulary Hsu is using in the OP–a call for game journalists to advance their medium to a more professional level. In this piece, he uses high school paper gimmicks like “Little Billy Pokegamer” to generalize the “audience” that buys his magazine, and then goes on to mention “rat’s behinds” — because, you know, he’s too professional to say ass in this case.

Now I hate to sound like some raving Edge fan, but go ahead and read one of their editorials. That is how a magazine should read. It’s well-worded, it provokes thought, and it doesn’t pander to males with promises of “hawt chix” or interviews about a bird’s plumage, to use the given example.

And I’ll admit that I love 1UP Yours and the The 1UP Show, but I haven’t purchased and EGM in four years. I respect the staff of the magazine and the 1UP network in general, because they really do know their stuff, but when it comes down to putting out a quality issue, the fact of the matter is that–whether Ziff just wants it or Shoe actually approves it–EGM is no better at avoiding sensational cover blurbs and cheeky writing than the next publication. At least Play, Halverson’s lovefest for platformers, hot girls, and high scores, has some worthwhile interviews and a lengthy, informative cover stories (as well as a strong art direction) to go along with its fanboy-ish love for gaming’s less admirable qualities. I guess what I’m saying is that I really think Shoe and the 1UP guys believe what their preaching about quality in journalism, I just haven’t seen them make any visible changes in their written publications to support it.

I’m not even going to go into why I haven’t written a damned thing in two weeks. Let’s get busy.

I am officially in love with Cormac McCarthy…’s writing. After reading The Road last month I went to the bookstore and purchased the soon-to-be-a-theatrical-film No Country For Old Men, and it was–in a word– stunning. I’ll be very up front about it all: the man does not write comedies. Both books are dark and tragic in their own way, full of death and fear and brutality. Yet at the end of both novels, you realize that the point of the book wasn’t to envelop you in this violent and bloodthirsty reality, but instead to celebrate the smaller victories that come with even the biggest tragedies. I honestly cannot allow myself to say any more on the subject, as ruining either work would feel downright sinful, but rest assured that spending your money on either book will bring you hours of rapture and a strong dosage of enlightenment. For me, having recently suffered a rather dark hour in my own life, finding some solace in McCarthy’s bare prose and terse worlds was truly a blessing. I consider it my duty to inform you that such a feeling should not be hoarded, but shared with as many people as possible. So, go buy a book you bums. It’s summer, after all. I doubt you’re doing anything more productive.

BUT BUT BUT! Before you close this tab (you lazy little scumbuckets that can’t read more than one-hundred word posts I spit at you), Allow me some more gushing.

Planet Earth. I just got the thing on Blu-Ray and–after watching the first episode in HD a few weeks ago–I can’t think of anything I’m more excited to do that pop this bitch in tomorrow. If I ever for a moment regretted purchasing a PS3, this little gem has made it all worth it. Seriously, I haven’t even popped it in yet but somehow owning the series has lifted my spirits and brought a sparkle to my eye. Nature is a beautiful thing, and I am anxious to finally watch something that accurately captures its glory.

Afro Samurai is another one of my purchases, but I haven’t yet watched this Director’s Cut. Apparently most of the new footage is for the sex scene (BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES!), but either way the show is some of the most balls-out ass-kickingly (not a real word) good anime I’ve seen in a while. Of course, the other anime I’m watching is Monster, which is far from ass-kicking but still good, so I guess you could say that I’m in good company as far as video is concerned.

Unfortunately though I haven’t had time to play my purchased copy of Odin Sphere, since I am boycotting myself from playing anything until I beat FFXII, which also means I’m waiting to buy Tomb Raider Anniversary, something I’m rather giddy to sink my teeth into. The other side of this coin is actually uplifting as far as I’m concerned: I’ve stopped playing Pokemon. Yes, I became champion, saw the 150, and quit. I know there’s a whole ‘nother island to go see, and all the 354 or something remaining pokemon to grab, but fuck it, I have more important games to play. Like Lunar Knights. And Tomb Raider. Bah, talking about pokeys gets me angry. I think I’ll leave off here for now. I’m going to go start Suite Francaisse tomorrow (finally!) and of course binge on Planet Earth. I’ll hopefully be back with more on those soon.

There is a certain level at which the process of gaming becomes purely an unconscious action. Rather than having to focus our physical and mental efforts on avoiding obstacles in Mario, or perfectly countering an opponent’s attack in Virtua Fighter, we can simply “see” the game as it unfolds, as if we had somehow transcended beyond the limits of the controller and television interface and laid bare the code before us. I speak of those games that are wholly pure, unadulterated by level-ups or plot or side quests. Tetris, Galaga, Bejeweled. These are all such experiences. But recently I have discovered a new entry into this most upper of echelons. They have named it Calling All Cars.

I see your faces. Your noses are wrinkling. Your eyes may be rolling. Calling All Cars in the same league as Tetris? Yes. I am not expressing bias in any way, other than a bias for pure, fun gaming. CAC is indeed a Tetris-like experience, and let me tell you why. Each game consists of the same formula: a prisoner escapes, you race to catch him, a battle for possesion ensues; you race to return him to jail, a battle for scoring ensues; rinse and repeat. The formula is simple, and utterly effective. Rather than letting the game become a Twisted Metal where a bevy of power ups and vehicle types effect the balance of the game, Calling All Cars keeps things as basic as possible. You can pick a vehicle, but they all drive the same. Likewise, there are only three power-ups to speak of: a hammer to hit the ground with, jarring the prisoner from a competitor’s car; a magnet–the trickiest of the three–which allows for long-range swipes; and also a homing missile perfect for nullifying a run to the station when your four wheels just aren’t fast enough.

In total, these elements all blend together for an experience that is quite simply the most mindlessly brilliant and entertaining game I’ve played since perhaps Meteos or Tetris DS. I am not lying when I spent four hours straight in front of my TV with this game. It was just that satisfying.

Other than that, I’ve been playing Lunar Knights and Pokemon, and am once again about to dip into FFXII now that my PS3 has PS2 video upscaling turned on. I took a peek at the game in 720p and nearly lost a night’s sleep with the anticipation of level grinding in the new forest area I had reached. To all the haters of FFXII’s gambit system, you haughty, “old school” devotees can go plant your heads up your asses, because you don’t deserve to be gaming anymore. I’m done with you.

… I guess I could talk about season finales for Lost and Heroes, one being utterly astounding and the other utterly devastating (in its suckatude), but I think I’ve filled my quota for the use of the word utterly today. I’ve got a long weekend of packing and moving furniture ahead of me, but when I come back I’ll have hopefully started Odin Sphere and be able to discuss that. Until then, may the sheep-trees be with you.

Sorry for the long wait in writing a new entry, I’ve had some pretty big changes in my life in the past few weeks which I shall not elaborate on at present that have kept me from the keyboard. Suffice it to say I should be getting back to the old once a week routine, possibly more often, and I’ll start with a lovely little summary below:

So the day I got Pokemon Diamond (also known as Amazing Grace, for I was once lost but now am found, no longer blind to the wonderful world of pokeys and mon) I also happened to nab another game for the DS, this one a bit more niche than the sales-hoarding giant I went in for. That game was Lunar Knights, and I can honestly say it could change your life. Forever.

So, since I’m assuming whoever is reading this is probably unfamiliar with the title, allow me to give you a short summary: the game revolves around two characters. The first is a brash, emo little lad that is carrying the Dark Sword capable of eradicating the vampire overlords occupying the game world. He is called Lucian, and he begins the game accompanied by the Dark element (Terrenials, they call them) Nero, a floating cat that talks (naturally). He also has an eye-patch, which makes him look like some sort of goth pirate knight. That’s an instant plus for me right off the bat.

Anyway, you start off as this dude and then later team up with a little Vampire-hunter runt named Aaron who will be aiding you on your quest to assassinate the vampire leaders. You see, the vamps have covered the world with a solar obstacle known as a ParaSOL, which blocks out the sun and makes the world a breeding ground for their pale, long-toothed ilk. Kinda like Vegas. Anyway, you team up and it’s off to fight and save the day. Sounds rather typical, I know, but did I mention you have a floating cat?

That cat is more than just a selling point, folks. Y’see, Lucian can merge with terrenials, and that means you can go into bad ass, “It’s Rape Time”-mode whenever your meter fills, sheathing your sword in favor of some wicked half-human claw-n-jaw slashin’ action. Trust me, when you’re in a room full of mook henchman, raging out is awesome. But if you’re more into the standard combat, Lucian also has a shield you can throw up to block enemy counters (of which there are many… stupid buggers don’t know how to stay dead!). It’s a very neat gameplay feature. In fact, all of the gameplay is great and the only complaint I have about the “Game” portion of LK so far is the menu system–crafted by the geniuses behind Metal Gear Solid’s archaic menus–is totally wonked. But that’s just a minor complaint. Especially when you see the game in action.

Without a doubt, Lunar Knights has the BEST 2D sprites on the Nintendo DS. I kid you not, people. This game is absolutely gorgeous. Each room is elaborately detailed and the tiles are rich enough that their repetition is hardly noticed when playing. The enemies are well animated and very diverse at times (save the weird blob/slime things), and the bosses can be very big too. And then the game flips into 3D shooter mode and looks just as good, if not better.

After killing or weakening a vampire, y’see, they get in their coffins and try to escape “death”, so you have to hop in your ship, take down a ton of their cronies, and haul their sorry ass back to your solar station where you fry their blood-sucking guts into space dust. How kick ass is that?

If that doesn’t seal the deal, the game is also full of full-motion anime cutscenes, and occasionally spoken dialogue is used outside of these, for short phrases and such. So that means that the visual, aural, and gameplay are all top-notch. What more could you want? Oh, I forgot to mention… there’s some furries thrown in for good measure as well. So that ought to cover it. Now what are you waiting for? Go find this game!

I guess the last entry took the wind out of me. It’s certainly been a while since I’ve managed to come around and punch anything in to this little text field that was worth punching in, but I’ll spare the lengthy diatribes for another time and just chat about some recent goings-on.

Since the last time I posted, Arctic Monkeys released their second CD, Favourite Worst Nightmare, and I’ve probably listened to the whole thing well beyond a dozen times. At just over 38 minutes, the disc is an dense compilation of break-ups, breakdowns, cultural criticisms and wry ballads about sex kittens now domesticated. It’s every bit what you’ve come to expect from the explosive little band of Brit youngsters, with a dash of cock-punching thrown in for good measure. If you like rock, then be prepared to hear some of the best guitar and drum coordination this side of the year 2000. I do not exaggerate.

Other than music, I’ve been dividing my time up betwixst a medley of anime, sci-fi, and good old fashion gaming. In terms of the latter, I’ve recently detailed the rekindled love affair between myself and Pokemon Diamond on the aL forums, plus I’ve been finding spare moments to level up and explore the world of Ivalice once more in Final Fantasy XII. I really wish that the PS3/Wii hype hadn’t occured at the same time as this game’s release, because if it weren’t for those things I honestly believe that I could have written about this game for months on end. (Which reminds me, I never did finish the Legend of Zelda articles on here… blast it all.) Something about playing an RPG where the story is so rich and the characters so complex and the combat so effortless that at times I merely steer my party around with naught but the analog sticks just seems so divine. Being able to type long sentences about such a game is also quite enriching, but I shant detract from my love session to indulge in that just yet. In reality, words are lost in describing how beautiful the world of FFXII is, even in its starkest dungeons and most vile of villains’ smiles. Undoubtedly, my game of the year for 2006. Bar none.

But what of the pokeymons? Ah, pokemon. Such an interesting one, that. I really do like the psuedo-3D that Game Freak went with in this one, as well as the nice big touch screen buttons that you tap on to carry out battles. Both add a great deal of charm and endearment to a series that is growing considerably long in the tooth. I cannot say I have great pleasure in the first 4 or so hours of the game that I have played. Something about the fact that the wild pokemon always being so weak and so repetitive (500 types and I’ve only got 14 logged in my Pokedex? What. The. Fuck.) and that first dungeon always being Rock pokeys just annoys me. And I had to get running shoes to move fast? What the hell was I wearing to begin with? Cinderblocks?

Early nags aside, the game does show some serious potential to fuck up my summer. I’ve been limiting my play sessions quite moderately, but once the looming figure of finals week has passed over me, it’s balls-out gaming time for me. Ninja Gaiden Sigma demo (Fucking SICK! You have no idea.), FFXII, and Pokemons to keep me company at the pool is going to make for a May like no other. Or like every other, only better. Either way, me and my Fire-spitting, Fear-of-God-inducing baboon Momo are going to be kicking ass and taking names for quite some time. That is, unless someone hands me my ass on the Nintendo WFC.

Two more bits I want to jot down here. First off, I’ve been trying to force-feed myself some anime, since I’ve been rather avoiding the stuff overall for the past few months. I’m working through Samurai 7 (good), and I totally made Afro Samurai at the top of my Buy List (right up there with the Pan’s Labyrinth DVD), but the one that has be intrigued the most right now is Madhouse’s Claymore. It’s essentially the same fucking cartoon we’ve seen forever: rogue, solitary antihero goes around killing demons or whatever in different towns, saves an obnoxious little brat and ends up buddying up with the kid to become a more “human” figure and learn a bit more about right and wrong, or something. What’s endearing to me is the animation quality and apparent spit-polish that’s been put into such a straight-forward plot. The visuals are truly striking, and each of the three episodes aired so far have been enjoyable from start to finish, enough so that I’m actually eager for my next filling. Madness, I say.

Oh, and then there’s some show called Battlestar Galactica that I decided to download and try out. I think you’ve probably heard of it. All I can say is holy shit how was I so late to this fucking party. The show has everything I require from life: a hot chick walking around talking nonsense while being naked or wearing something incredibly hot, a scientist that is out of his freakin’ mind with hallucinations and paranoia, a craggy old commander struggling to fight a war and keep his life together, hulking-ass robots that trying to wipe humanity out entirely, and a giant game of Guess Who’s the Cylon that only gets more and more intriguing with each episode. Color me impressed, folks. I’m about halfway through season one, and after watching the past seven episodes and the miniseries I’m just about ready to call myself a fan. And as my parting words for the evening, I would recommend you becoming one, too.