Bits For Rent

Today was a great day for video games. Not only did I trade in the fantastically underwhelming Final Fantasy III — good fucking riddance, I say to thee — but I let Hotel Dusk go as well. The irony there is that I got $24 for FFIII, and only $18 for Hotel Dusk, which is a far superior product. Speaking of which, did I ever manage to write anything about that game? Nothing comes to mind, so allow me to splooge all over my own blog for a moment.

Hotel Dusk is a fantastic literary experience wrapped in the retro, black and white coating of a 1970s noir and shoved into the small confines of a DS cartridge. It is not a very good game — the actual puzzles and environment interactions range from mind-numbingly dull to fist-in-the-wall hard — but I don’t think it ever tries to establish itself as one. Instead, it opts to provide the player with a fascinating yarn about a cop on the hunt for his long lost partner and the people that may or may not be able to help track him down. It’s not the most well told story, either, though its dialog is something truly joyful to read. I honestly wish there was a way for me to fit “Shut your head, Louie” into my daily vocabulary, but alas at the times we live in. OK… I’m being rather coy here, so let’s just come out with it: as a fan of good fiction, I had a really great time with the story and characters of Hotel Dusk, and I hope that you may one day get the chance to enjoy them as well. There, now let’s get back to the loot.

In exchange for Dusk and FFIII, I picked up quite a horde: Viewtiful Joe 2 (the last good one), Resident Evil Remake (it looks so pretty, but it plays so awful!), Dark Cloud 2 (haven’t played it yet, but apparently it’s the Second Coming), and last and certainly least… Devil May Cry 2. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, but it was that or Killer 7 and when I asked the GameStop guy what to get, he just kind of sighed and said “Devil May Cry 2.” I think that’s rather telling of how much suck is possible in a game… without that game being Sonic the Hedgehog for 360/PS3.

So I haven’t yet sat down to really try any of these out, since I have a monster of an exam on Friday that may very well crush me if I’m not careful, but rest assured this weekend will be an unholy orgy of digital interaction. Me, my Wii, a TV, and maybe the PS3. Actually, definitely the PS3. Virtua Fighter 5 was in my goodie bag as well.

Having not played a VF before 4, I never really got into the series. In fact, I can hardly consider myself a fighting game fan, as pretty much every brawler other than VF4 and Super Smash Bros. has made the sad trip back into the store to be traded in. But with VF5, I think there’s hope. Even without the “sticks” — religious relics that no true fighting fan can play let alone breathe without — me and my roommate have had an absolute blast going back and forth beating the utter crap out of one another. It’s part of the reason for this entry’s title: there ain’t no blood in this series. There are, however, God-like uppercuts and spine-cracking pile drivers. And for the first time since, well, Soul Calibur 2 I suppose, I’m actually looking forward to my next time playing the game. Take that, Mortal Kombat, Guilty Gear (yeah, a little too WTF for me), and Tekken. I’m playing with the big boys now. Literally. As a Lei-Fei and Pai/Vanessa player, I’m stacked against my roommate’s Jeffry, Wolf, and Brad nearly every match. But those slow fuckers don’t stand a chance! It’s actually at the point now where I’m using “skill” to beat him, and giving him opportunities to win just to keep him less frustrated. How modest of me, no?

Well… this was a rather disjointed entry, but my brain’s cooked for tonight. I’ll be back again soon with more VF5, maybe some flOw (!!), and of course the retro round-up.

Addendum: I totally forgot. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Tournament Fighter was the only fighting game I can safely say I have “played the shit out of.” God that was an awesome time. Fuckin’ robot guy was cheap as fuck, though.

I will be the very first to admit it: I am a supporter of the PlayStation brand. I grew up with Nintendo consoles, and still love them dearly to this day, but when it comes to gaming I know that the large stock of my great game experiences will invariably fall on a Sony system.

I actually remember buying my first PlayStation. It was not long after the price dropped to $99, and it was at a Target near my home. My friend had bought one a few months earlier and picked up with it a few choice games, most noticeable among them being Spyro 2: Ripto’s Rage. This was my first Insomniac game, and from the moment I first controlled that floaty, purple dragon and started my quest to collect as many orbs as possible, I knew I was hooked. I even remember my first thoughts on the DualShock: it was uncomfortable, totally not ergonomic, and a complete pile of crap next to my beloved N64 pad. But there was something about the games that made me spring for the system, and it’s been the same story ever since: PlayStation is where the awesome is at.

Actually, on a slightly embarrassing note, I wasn’t even a hardcore gamer back then. I picked up an N64 title every two months depending on the reviews in Nintendo Power, but when it came down to genres and control schemes and music and the basic geek praise for Sakaguchi, Miyamoto, Naga, and the rest of the gaming gods at that time, I was utterly oblivious. I knew what a good game was, but I was just playing for the sake of the experience. There was no attachment or investment in the Spyro or Mario series, I just thought they were of a kind of quality other games lacked.

And so that brings me to the point of today’s post. In an interview with 1UP’s Luke Smith, Phil Harrison has done the odd thing for a Sony representative and spoken in terms that do not come across as arrogant nonsense. You can see for yourself, if you’d like. But it’s not really what he said that has driven me to sit down and type (I’ll blame that on a desire to not watch Econ lectures), it’s the message itself. Read closely those few responses he gives. This is a man that knows how to bait the reader and interviewer with hints of future greatness. He exudes a sort of placidity that shows immense control of will, as if he himself were able to change the face of Sony with a simple rubber duck. I say these things not to suggest that Mr. Harrison has some sort of supernatural ability to reconstruct the image of a caring, down-to-earth Sony — I personally doubt that such a thing ever existed — rather I emphasize this discussion because this is what needs to be done.

Sony has, for nearly a year, been caught in a downward spiral. They were late and bloated in their E3 press conference. They lost rumble in their controllers and “ripped-off” Nintendo with the tilt sensors. They sold two SKUs of a product when they criticized Microsoft for doing the same. They lost the GTA series as an exclusive. They undershipped a product that is over-priced. They had issues with scaling, backwards compatibility, Blu-ray diodes, online titles, and much, much more. In short, they practical drove their momentum into the ground, and only on rare occassions did they ever show signs that something about this behavior was wrong.

But here we are, a week from the release of Virtua Fighter 5. Tomorrow Full Auto 2 becomes the first third-party demo to hit the PlayStation Network. The thesis project flOw is right around the corner. In March, we get an online version of Motorstorm and Europe sees what might be the best launch line-up for a system in the history of videogames. And there’s GDC on March 7th, bringing us back once again to the man this post is all about, Phil Harrison.

So what, then, is the point of this lengthy and expansive post of mine? Timing. In my honest and — I hope — mostly unbiased opinion, this is the time when Sony needs to get out of the gutter, wipe the blood from its nose and stand firm in the face of the opposition. George Orwell is famous for writing a story in which a man changes history to coincide with the actions of his government, his actions unnoticed by the public at large. That story is far from a work of fiction, its message still rings true nearly sixty years after it was first put to paper. People are willing to ignore, forget, perhaps even believe anything that may or may not have happened in the past so long as you provide for them a present and future in line with their desires. We can forgive you, Sony. All you have to do is start talking. Show us a near-final build of Heavenly Sword. Show us a glimpse of Killzone 2. Show us a demo of Metal Gear Solid 4.

The public is waiting, and when the spotlight falls on Phil Harrison once more, three weeks from today, let us finally hear why it is that PlayStation systems have a 10 year lifespan. Tell us why we should play beyond instead of jump in. Tell us why the large hard disks, HDMI, and free online service are critical tools. Tell us something to make us think back fondly to our times playing Spyro, or unboxing that launch day PS2. The ball is in your court, all you need to do is swing.

It’s true.  The great grandfather of Africa and timeless hero of the Republican party, the Elephant is a complete FREAK in the sack.  Do not ask me how I know this, for I do not wish to do you any mental harm that cannot be undone.  Simply accept this as fact, and let us move on.

I got so wrapped up in talking about all the awesome movies I saw in January that I left out a bunch of other stuff I got to do that was cool.  For starters, I finally sunk my teeth into V for Vendatta, the graphic novel which inspired the kick-ass movie from last spring. I’m roughly halfway through it now and it is much, much better than the last Alan Moore novel I read, Watchmen.  In trying to figure out why this work seems to click so much more with me than the latter, I have come to two possible conclusions.  First, that this is actually the better book, and Watchmen is simply a nerdgasm that could never achieve the success of V.  The other solution is that I adored the movie so much as to let it’s fineries rub off on the book as I’ve been reading it, like one may pour A1 on a steak to better appreciate the flavor.  Both are equally likely.

I personally felt that the tone of Watchmen was a bit too preachy and self-aware, as if Alan Moore himself were nudging me in the side every time an overheard song or conversation synced with the panel in a very witty and oh-so-clever fashion.  With V, the dialog syncing and musical overtones are used far less frequently (I literally groaned whenever the pirate story turned up on the next page), and much more effectively.  When V sings an interlude between part one and two and the panels depict all the misery and lowliness of this dystopian England, it works, and it feels right.  It’s something that fits with his character- very theatrical and menacing and full of foreboding.  Maybe it was because the characters, the super heroes, of Watchmen, were just mortals in suits.  Maybe it’s because V is such a focuses and single-minded enigma.  I really don’t know.  All I can say is that it’s a fantastic book so far and I’m eager to finish it.

Elsewhere in the realm of novels, there lies a little gem for the DS.  I’m sure you’ve gotten wind of the hype on the internets, as people everywhere are riding high on the game’s unique style and deep well of intrigue.  I speak, of course, of Hotel Dusk: Room 215.  Hotel Dusk is, simply put, a detective novel in game form, with a few interactive puzzles to change the pace every now and then.  Its most intense moments come in the form of grilling other patrons of the hotel about the secrets they’re intent on keeping, its quietest simply strolling the hallways, waiting for your next encounter.  I cannot say that it is a game for everyone, as it does the odd thing and requires you to read.  Shocking, I know.  But you would be amazed at how few people there are in the world that can appreciate a good yarn.  Do not allow yourself to be one of them.  For $30 you can go and get a remarkably well-written noir story that plays across two screens, full of beautiful character art and a fantastic amount of panache.  You can thank me later.

Here, too, is where I shall make my recommendation for Pandora, and internet radio program that let’s you be the DJ, punching in a favorite artist and getting a streaming sample of similar sounds to pick and choose from at your pleasure.  Any fan of music owes it to themselves to try this program out and see if they can’t stretch their tastes a little and try out something new.  How else are you going to get that iPod library up to 6000 songs?

Back with some more thoughts on everyone’s favorite Hyrulian epic.  It’s taken me a while to sit down and get my thoughts out about the middle third of this game, but for good reason: this is not a game that a simple 500 word journal entry can properly surmise.  This is, though I hate to use such a trite word, an epic.  Plain and simple.  And with that having been said, let me move in on what I feel is the greatest part of this game.

Once you’ve restored all of the spirits to their respective locations and freed Hyrule from the clutches of twilight, Link essentially gets his ass handed to him.  No, I am not referring to the miniboss fight over troubled waters at Lake Hylia, but rather the act that follows: with the Zora Armor equipped, we head down, down, down to the Lake Bed Temple, or “Water” Temple, as those of us from the N64 era might call it.  And just as those of us from the ’64 era know, this place is a bitch and a half.  For the first and really only time in the game, I was truly perplexed as to what I needed to be doing in order to get through the area.  The giant rotunda in the middle of the temple, with all of its annexes and levels was a work of genius.  In fact, as a whole, the temple and everything in it is one of my favorite Zelda dungeons.  I guess you can say I love a good challenge.  I only wish that the Zora had some worth in this game’s storyline.  It’s never really necessary to interact with any of them (aside from the fish-hunt later and the Prince), and their species seems wholly unaffected by the twilight once you warm them up.  In fact, I’d say that the entire concept of the Twilight wiping out the light world is misrepresented, as it really is just the humans that seem to be getting the raw deal.  A few hours with the Gorons and the Zora and they’re both good as new.

I must also address another one of my pet peeves with TP, that being the difficulty.  For a game that we have all waited so long to have in our grasp, I am disheartened to see that Nintendo has made the formula so easy for the seasoned player to move through.  Not once before the final boss was I in fear of dying during a fight, and even then it was only a result of my heretofore unknown idiocy in the face of simple button prompts (press and HOLD A, damnit!).  If the next generation of Zelda is truly already in development as some rumors are leading us to believe, Nintendo had damn well better include a difficulty setting.  It’s inexcusable in an action title these days.

But now we get to the real meat of the game.  After a dramatic cutscene, Link become a Wolf outside the twilight, and he must run with all haste back to Castle Town so that Zelda may save both he and Midna from Zant’s powerful magic.  And after that, like a blossoming flower… the game unfolds itself and reveals its strongest and greatest limits of potential: the ability to swap from Link to Wolf form on the fly.  Couple this with the use of the warp points set around the enormous land of Hyrule, and you have the keys to something incredible at your disposal.  There’s hardly a need for Epona anymore.  In fact, most of the game’s early features are tossed by the wayside once you’ve hit this mark roughly 15 hours in.  Not only that, but the enhanced freedom brings with it increasingly colorful environments and challenges.  Why the hell is there a giant cannon at the base of the lake?  God knows.  But will you be grinning from ear to ear when it rockets you into Gerudo Desert?  Hell yes.

So, too, follows the most bizarre dungeon of them all: Snowpeak Ruins.  Chasing after what you assume is a vicious killing machine (and abominable snow man), you find yourself in an abandoned mansion.  Traces of grandeur still linger amongst barren rafters and ice-covered floors, and the fact that anything exists or once existed in such a remote and serene part of the world is simply awe-inspiring.  Even the simple cannonball-hatch mechanic leaves you wondering just what kind of fortress the place once was, leaving you scratching your head over why concept art or background info – something that games like Oblivion are all too keen on delivering – could be left out of such an enormous game world.

That is where the greatness of Zelda truly sinks in.  The hero, brilliantly named Link by default but titled as you choose, is nothing extraordinary when the game begins.  He farms, catches goats, and helps a mother out with her bothersome children.  But that character is you and when you stand across from that massive boss deep within a mine or castle, you are him.

Sadly, this third of the game ends with one of the weaker runs of the game so far, and that is the Temple of Time.  Although initially cool in structure and in concept (getting in was way trippy), the game fails because it breaks the one caveat I have against action titles: don’t make me backtrack.  And you do have to back track.  In fact, you have to back track the ENTIRE dungeon to bring one damn statue back to its original resting place.  How it got to where it was, I have no idea.  But honestly, whoever leaves their temples in the state that I find them in needs to hire a larger cleaning staff.  And some exterminators.

That’ll do it for me tonight.  I know I didn’t go into the Arbiter temple and the dreidle (sic) of death, but rest assured they are fun and I did like them, particularly for the fact that it’s one of the few temples that requires you to spend a lot of time in both human forms.  A fact I find surprising, given the transformation mechanic is so fluid and easy to access, and the puzzle potential so vast.  Anyway, I’ll return once more with Part III, which begins with the game’s best moment and worst fetch quest all at the same time.

It’s been difficult getting myself to sit down and blog at all lately, let alone write impressions on a game, or – heaven forbid – administrate my own damn website. But after a long night and an equally long day, I sit before you, prostrate to my monitor, and ready to speak my peace. Three weeks ago, I finished my first pass through of Twilight Princess on the Wii. Make no mistake about it: this is the reason you should be buying the system right now. If you’re not purchasing this game when you get one, then dear God what the hell are you buying? Excite Truck?

Alas, I digress. As for Zelda, the game took me roughly 37 hours to beat, acquiring roughly 40 Poe’s Souls and finishing with 15 hearts. I explored a few hidden mini-dungeons if I happened to come across them, and caught about a dozen Golden Bugs (of the 48 possible, if I’m not mistaken), but more on that last part later. Let me just say this first and foremost: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is a great game. It is, however, not the best game I played this year, but it might be in contention for the top three. Let me explain now why that is.

When you begin the new Zelda you know from the moment the disc loads that you’re in for a treat. The haunting menu screen music, the panning camera angles as Link and another man sit chatting by a softly flowing spring… it’s all signs of a game that wants, no, demands to be taken seriously. Gone are the cel-shaded stylings and whimsy of The Wind Waker, here are the rich ambers and greens of a world where twilight truly is ready to fall.

The game does not scoff at taking its time to build this sense of a grand adventure looming just beyond that fenced-off path to Faron Woods; the introduction to the admittedly very familiar mechanics of Link’s movement and the furthering of the story comes after a plodding four hours of gameplay. The classic fetch quests of Ocarina of Time re-emerge here in the small village, but there is nary a green tunic to be found. Instead, the game thrusts you into the darkness, literally, and has Link bounding from sewers to rooftop, revealing much of the over-arching story and simultaneously introducing us to the bewitching and mysterious Midna. Her purpose remains largely a mystery for the first two-thirds of the game, but clever gamers may be able to put a few threads together when they start collecting some of the items from dungeons and reading her discussions with our ever-silent hero.

Without revealing much more of the beginning, which has been spoiled in countless previews, Link eventually returns to his human form and, being Chosen by the Goddesses, must embark on an epic quest to… collect bugs.

Not to say that the purpose of the game as a whole is to have you collect insects, as that would be downright silly. Rather, the first third of the game follows a rather obnoxious and ill-conceived catch-22: In order to get to the next temple, you must return light to the area’s guardian spirit. You can only access this new area by entering the dark world and thus returning to wolf form, at which point you are then tasked with killing roughly a dozen small, light-stealing bugs that have scattered themselves across this new area. And that, in short, is literally all the purpose to Link’s werewolf form for the first third of the game.  Needless to say, this made me not only a) dislike entering new areas, but sadly b) dislike being a werewolf, which is probably the coolest thing about Link in this game (it sure as hell ain’t the hat).

Aside from that gripe, the game still feels fairly routine for the first 15 hours.  Enter dark area, collect bugs, get to the temple/dungeon, go through the temple dungeon, get new item, use new item to beat boss, move to next dark area, repeat.  Thankfully, Zelda is all about threes, and so this pleasurable pattern only occurs thrice.  If it had been anymore, I would have probably bailed on the game like I did with Majora’s Mask (shame on me, I know, but I’m going to go back and finish it).  Luckily for me though, at 15 hours, the game was just starting to hit its stride.

When I get back to covering Twilight Princess, I’ll be covering part two of the game, also known as the artifact gathering segment.  This is the first in a four-part series.

The above title is a statement of pure truth, plain and simple.  Take a look at all the main characters:

• Samus: Bounty Hunter that goes from planet to planet massacring room after room of “Space Pirates” – conveniently named enemies if you ask me.  I mean, come on, she’s got highly advanced weaponry and a suit that turns her into a bomb-laying ball.  How is she not a murderer?
• Fox McCloud: another mercenary, this time hired by a government to carpet-bomb an entire solar system and blast the hell out of a giant floating head that can do little but feebly wave its arms at you and try to swallow your ship whole.  I have no idea how he sleeps at night.
• Donkey Kong: sort of a good guy, since he tries to flatten a fat plumber/killer with barrels… but then again he did kidnap some poor girl.
• Mario and Luigi: a tag-team pair of homicidal maniacs that enjoy crushing their victims with the sheer weight of their ass cheeks.  They are known to terrorize up to nine different worlds of innocent creatures – creatures simply walking around or practicing hammer tossing and boomerang throws – at a time, and have even been known to burn some victims alive.  Bastards.
• Yoshi: it’s a fucking dinosaur that swallows people.  Ever see Jurassic Park?
• Kirby: some horrible science experiment gone wrong.  Like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, this strange blob of God-knows-what sucks its victims up like a vacuum and then absorbs them into its fleshy pink… skin?  Kirby is, if nothing else, a sign of why man shouldn’t play God.

And finally, there’s Link.  Link is the poster boy of Nintendo’s mega-hit series, The Legend of Zelda.  Sad thing is, he’s all a rampaging psychopath.  As soon as someone lets him have a sword, he heads off into the world and kills every living thing in sight.  Even blades of grass cannot escape his savagery, falling left and right despite their offering of rupees to sate the child’s madness.  Link sees fit to invade every person’s home in every square inch of his country, smashing their fine pottery and molesting poor farmers’ chickens.  He rides around like a demon in the flesh, his terrible steed beneath him, bringing terror to every land he crosses.  They say that Ganondorf is the villain of the series because he is always hungry for power or trying to crush the damsel Princess Zelda, but if you had heard word of a man in tights and a weird tube hat rampaging across your homeland, would you not do everything in your power to defeat him?  I would certainly hope so.  Link is no hero, ladies and gentlemen.  He is a disgrace to the title and we should be ashamed for purchasing any game to play as him, let alone a new console.

But, after beating Twilight Princess, I must say… being a psychotic killer never felt so sweet.  Next post brings you all the impressions you can ask for.

I’m just going to come out with it, already:

Tomorrow morning will mark the three week anniversary of when I got my Wii.

Yes, that’s right. I’m a cheeky, cheeky bastard and I deserve to be smacked around harder than Paris Hilton, but I have very few regrets. I also have a decent story to go along with my confession.

The time was three weeks ago and I was entering my last week on school, and that meant it was time for exams and time to go home. The only problem was, for me, that this was also nearly a month since the launch of the PS3 and Wii, and I had failed to score either system. Now, I had copious amounts of cash burning a hole in my pocket and, despite my desire to throw it at either developer, there was no sign of any good fortune heading my way. Just three days prior I had run in to Best Buy only to find they had recieved and sold out of PS3s two hours beforehand.

So there I sat, playing poker with some pals and holding on to the only Ace I had left up my sleeve (not literally, I play a fair game). See, I had gotten a tip from the Circuit Shitty that they would be getting 15 Wiis in and holding them until Sunday. I had originally called my buddy, who really wanted a Wii, to let him in on the news, but at the time I wasn’t really interested in getting one (you know they’re coming our with a black one or a better one next fall, just you watch). But, as the hour grew late, I turned to my roommate and said, “I can get a Wii tomorrow. But if I’m going to sit around and wait for one, I’m getting two while I’m at it.” I then brow-beat him and dangled deliciously despicable offers over his head, only to finally get his begrudging acceptance to along for the ride minutes before I left for the Shitty.

When we got there, there were 12 people in line. Perfect. And, thankfully, we arrived the same time as someone else, making us the final three people officially getting a system. The time was 6:30am. I had not slept, but I had not been out in the cold until now, either. Waiting at launch is officially overrated, I thought.

And so the next three hours passed slowly, oh so slowly, with the roommate watching a movie over at the car and me sitting with the nerds, playing bejeweled on my phone (DS Black got left at home, much to my dismay). The line continued to grow until 9 o’clock, with college students followed by parents followed by grandparents, all rounding around the front of the store to a line of roughly 45-50 people. The certified Wii owners, myself included, could only speculate as to what sort of glimmer of hope they were holding on to, as this is a town where shipment quantities have peaked in the single digits most of the time.

Regardless, 9:30 finally arrived and the manager came out, announced the already-known sales figure of 15 and handed out the tickets. Stealth was lucky number 13, line-squatter buddy was 15. And that’s where it gets fun.

You know how I said he was at the car watching a movie? Well, that was true until abour 8:45, when he came and stuck it out on the cement. However, #16 in line, who got there 10 minutes after us, began a wonderfully debate with the both of us over how waiting anywhere but on the cement was not really waiting, and that he deserved the last system. For twenty-five minutes. He probably weighed 160 pounds soaking wet, and his manly goatee was evidence of heart of pure malice. Truly a chisled fighter ready to do what needed to be done to defeat me, the Christmas-stealing Grinch. But, hey, we had the tickets. Eventually, he had blown off enough steam, and I had repeated myself enough times (“We got here FIRST; We never LEFT!”) that he threw in the towel and sulked off. “I wish he hadn’t done that,” my bud says to me. “I felt bad waiting by the car anyway. I would have given him the ticket.” Guess it pays to be polite after all.

Anyway, while we waited at the service counter for the Wiis and a copy of Zelda, some schmuck tried to shoplift and got tackled by one of the employees, RIGHT in front of us. So the day was not without its fair share of entertainment, to say the least. What became of the Wiis is that I kept the one I purchased, and was planning on selling the second one off, with cash, as a trade for a PS3. I got about 6 offers for not only the second Wii, but my own as well, from those little fucking scalpers that sat for three days at Best Buy and consequently ruined my launch before I said screw them all and gave the Wii to my friend I had tipped off originally, at no extra cost to him.

The result? We’re both totally enjoying the system, and he managed to find me an extra controller (which is like finding a gold bar, only it’s white and has a wrist strap) as a thank you. I’m also now forced to eat a large helping of crow as I have been incredibly down on the system for the past few months and have claimed several times to have no interest in getting one until MP3 comes out. Well I retract those statements, because Zelda on Wii blew a pleasant wind up my skirt and Wii Tennis and Bowling are fantastic (The other minigames, not so much). And, hey, it was Christmas time. I needed something to play, and it sure as shit wasn’t going to be a 360. (not until it’s $200 for a premium, Blink. You can hold me to that.)

Now, the funny epilogue: it’s Thursday now, and I roll out of bed at noon, since there are no classes today and I usually roll out of bed at noon anyway. I remember back to a week ago and think, “well, what the hell” and speed off to Best Buy on a whim. There’s supposed to be weekly shipments, after all. I pull into the parking lot and, sure as hell, a woman is walking to her car with a PS3. So I reach into the glove box, grab my pocket knife and… wait, wrong ending. Actually, I run into the store and before the Yellow Shirt asks me how I’m doing I gasp “You have PS3 where?” The man looks at me quizzically and I make a snap decision: he’s clearly not aware of the situation and I need to ask someone else. Next up, large Blue Shirt woman pushing around a cart of Clerks II dvds. “PS3s left where are now?!” I demand. “Uh, back of the store,” she says, clutching the cross on her neck.

I am a leaf on the wind at 40 miles an hour in a crowded electronics store. I blaze past the K-Fed CDs, dodge around the King Kong dvd case and slide to a stop in front of the PS3 demo kiosk. A smiling Blue Shirt is standing there, knee-high in PS3s. Four 20GB models and four 60GB models. “I want one.” I state, arms out. “Sure,” the shirt replies, his face inside an imaginary noose. “Which one do you want?” He asks, I hope, out of duty. “The 60. Six-Dee.” The rest is a blur. He hands me a coupon booklet and the system, which weighs more than Ken Kutaragi’s ego. I grabbed Fight Night and Resistance, paid, and threw my precious cargo in the back. Upon arriving back home, my roommate (the one from the Wii line), shouts from his room, “Where the fuck did you go?” I throw the PS3 onto his bed (not such a good idea given the quality of the box springs) and stand triumphantly in the doorway. He turns around, glances at the bed, and then at me, and then at the bed again. “No fucking way.”

A Merry Christmas indeed.

P.S. I am broke as all hell. Send monies.

The title says it all.  Today, despite all my proclamations of disinterest, I folded like a house of cards and bought something I really didn’t think I wanted right now.  And after examining my decision, I’m not so sure it was the wrong one.  However, there’s no time for the details now.  It’s late, and I’m feeling guilty.

First, a quick apology for the title; it couldn’t be helped, I swear. But now, on to more pressing matters.

It seems that my suckage in FFIII was justly deserved, as I not only forgot the cardinal rule of gaming (read the effing manual!), but I was hoping to plow through the combat like I do in FF12. But seeing as how my play time in FFIII is still well below a level where I can safely talk about it and not get reamed, I’ll be shifting my focus to the latest love of my life, Final Fantasy XII.

As a preface, I must clarify that I am not a great fan of fantasies that are of the Final variety. I have only purchased, in my lifetime, a small sprinkling of titles from the series, and up until this month only one of them was numbered. In total, I own Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy Tactics Advance (loved it to no end), Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles (a thing of beauty), and now FFIII and FFXII. A sizable collection, to be sure, but when the core series is pushing over a dozen entries, it’s a small sum to be sure.

There was much ado over Final Fantasy XII’s decision to take the reigns from the player when it came to the combat. The idea of shifting the turn-based systems of the previous titles into an automated process that could, in theory, play itself seemed downright rude. After all, we gamers are a proud people, and we can’t admit to buying your game just for the pretty CG (of which there is many and is most certainly worth the entry fee alone). With no gameplay to keep us engaged, was Square giving us icing with no cake? The answer is most definitely “no.”

The combat in FFXII is, in short, nothing short of masterful. The Gambit system is absolutely what the bloated series needed, and it hastens not only the pace of battle, but of the game itself. Let’s face it people, the random encounter as we once knew it is a thing of the past. No longer should a player be forced to run around these beautiful and expansive worlds, only to be torn from them after five paces and thrust into an arbitrary faceoff. In fact, the fondest memory I have of Grandia III is of charging at the foe I wished to lay to ruin, and then performing stupendous combos to execute him precisely in the manner I desired. However, while Grandia’s combat engine relied heavily on timing and cancels enemy attacks, FFXII’s combat is all about strategy and preparation. Loading up characters with as many gambits as you can is a great idea when you’re considering the game from a static perspective; but when you set up whom those gambits affect and under what specific conditions (Cure allies with less than 40% health, for instance), that is when you truly understand just how glorious this system can be.

Naturally, however, Boss fights and stronger enemies are going to require you to act much more like a general than a conductor. Often times you’ll be worn down on all fronts, and when your characters dip into a Cure gambit when they could be preparing to attack and finish the bastard off, you’ll see where taking risk can be greater than simply playing it safe. Especially when you swap in a party member in an effort to use their Quickening ability (similar to FFVIII’s setup with whatever those low-HP specials were, only these are full-MP). Oh, I could keep going on about how glorious this all is, but I’ve yet to even scratch the surface of the plot. So, as the hour grows late, I shall wrap things up here and continue next time with more FFXII and my much-belated PS3/Wii scarcity launch rant. Good times, indeed. You don’t want to miss ‘em.

I’ve been doing a fair bit of gaming lately, which comes as a surprise mostly to myself since my weekly gaming time has been nothing short of anemic for several months, if not years, now. I suppose I’ll start with the handhelds.

Rocket Slime, as I discussed earlier in the month, is nothing short of a solid 12 hours of entertainment. From start to finish, the game and it’s simple elastoblast mechanic charmed me and left me grinning like some jackass on the corner. Saving slimes and fighting tooth and nail against massive tanks to bring down the wicked Plobian Empire was enthralling, and I actually pumped my fist in the air a few times as I came back from the brink of death to turn the tide in a tank battle and crush the enemy. To be fair, their AI isn’t exactly on the ruthless side, but being able to smack them around and bust apart their engine while they futilely threw themselves at me in a last-ditch attempt to salvage their tank was sinfully fun. Seriously, if you’re looking for a game to just kick back and enjoy, without having to worry about leveling up or finding keys to open Door A, B, and C, this game is for you.

On the other end of the spectrum is Final Fantasy III, which I nabbed a few days ago and have played for about 30 minutes. I have not played a game this frustrating to begin in a long, long time. Emphasis on the word LONG. In case you’re not already playing it, the game starts you off in a small dungeon, introducing you to the main character Luneth and giving you a tase of the turn based combat that will be driving the game. Suffice to say this is a comple friggin’ cakewalk, with the character killing enemies in one hit and receiving 1-2 HP of damage in return. YAWN.

What’s menacing about the game is that when you get out of this cave or whatever it is, you’re told by the wise old fart in your town to go find some other crystal heroes like yourself, or something to that extent. Fair enough. But when you get to the next town and go into the cave there, it’s ass-raping time. Monsters now dish out about 1/3 of your health in damage each hit (and they appear in pairs), and you have to hit them about 5 times to knock them down. Best of all, the game gives NO instruction on what the fuck you’re supposed to do, so here’s Stealth strutting around without a save file because he has no clue how to save the game and BAM! a mummy just sticks a scarab up my ass. What. The. Fuck.

So I’m about to go spend some time with the game’s manual to figure exactly how in the hell I can make some progress in the game, and I’ll get back to you all eventually with some impressions from a bit deeper in the game. Until then, I’ve got finals next week and I’m still hunting for PS3 (more on that next time), so adios for a while.